Dear Professor Brad,
My name is Tan Wei Zhang and I am one of your students
in your effective communication module class. I am writing this letter with the
purpose of introducing myself to you.
I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic in 2017 with a
diploma in business process and systems engineering. This led me in obtaining
certain aspects of knowledge in business and engineering. By the end of my
diploma course, I was in quite a predicament. I did not know whether to pursue
a business or engineering related degree. In order to finalize my decision, I
spent some time discussing with my family and friends and ultimately decided to
enroll in Singapore Institute of Technology, civil engineering course.
I would like to share a factor that got me more
interested in wanting to be an engineer was upon seeing Jewel Changi Airport. I
was very impressed by the design and thought of how skilled these engineers
must be, to build something like this. I hope in the near future I could be as
skilled and contribute to the society.
One of my strengths when it comes to communication, I
feel would be listening with an open mind. I am willing to enter a
conversation, even with people that I had disagreed with before, trying to
understand their point of view. However, a weakness that I tend to have is my
articulation of words. Oftentimes, I talk too quick when I am nervous which
causes me to misarticulate words.
My goals in this module are to learn how to improve my
pacing when speaking and how to maintain composure to prevent stuttering of
words. I look forward in attending your class and learning more from you.
Best regards,
Tan Wei Zhang
Hi Zhang Wei,
ReplyDeleteAbdul here and I would like to share some thoughts on your post.
I am glad that you spent some time discussing with your family and friends when you were facing a predicament, nothing beats deciding with your loved ones. I look up to you for having the ability to listen without judging.
If I may, I would like to share briefly a bit on how I feel you can improve your post. I felt that the sentence structure starting paragraph 3 can be improved. I would suggest “I would like to share a factor that got me more interested in wanting to be an engineer. It was when I saw Jewel Changi Airport”. Also, I thought it will be great if there are clearer examples to depict your strength and weakness, but I do understand what was shared.
I enjoyed reading your post and though we do not communicate much with each other, I think we share the same goals towards this module. I wish you all the best and may you reach your goals!
Thank you Zhang Wei!
Regards,
Abdul
Hi Wei Zhang
ReplyDeleteThank you for this informative letter! I can’t wait to start a conversation with you after knowing we both share the same vision and goals, such as being skilled engineer and contribute to the built environment.
Allow me to share some thoughts of your letter. Please refer to third paragraph,
‘I would like to share a factor that got me more interested in wanting to be an engineer was upon seeing Jewel Changi Airport. I was very impressed by the design and thought of how skilled these engineers must be, to build something like this. I hope in the near future I could be as skilled and contribute to the society.’
My suggestion:
Jewel Changi Airport is one reason that got me into civil engineering industry. The design impressed me and intrigued my thoughts of being an engineer. In the near future, I would like to play a part to contribute to the built environment.
4th paragraph:
However, a weakness that I tend to have is my articulation of words. Oftentimes, I talk too quick when I am nervous which causes me to misarticulate words.
-Sometimes I talk too quick, (quickly)-
My suggestion:
I tend to rush when I speak, and it causes me to misarticulate words.
As for weakness, when I am nervous, I tend to rush when I speak, and it causes me to misarticulate.
Overall, you fulfilled the criteria for this assignment and I look forward to read more article from you.
Regards
Frank Sim
Dear Wei Zhang,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this generally fluent, detailed and informative letter. In it, you share about the dilemma you faced after graduating from poly and how your interest in engineering came about. You also present your comm skills experience and your goals for the module. I find it interesting that seeing Jewel at Changi could be considered an impetus in your decision-making process.
There are also a few minor issues in terms of language use in this letter:
1. sentence structure, use of punctuation
-- I would like to share a factor that got me more interested in wanting to be an engineer was upon seeing Jewel Changi Airport. >
I would like to share a factor that got me more interested in wanting to be an engineer: It was seeing Jewel Changi Airport.
-- One of my strengths when it comes to communication, I feel would be listening with an open mind. > (punctuation)
One of my strengths when it comes to communication is listening with an open mind.
I look forward to reading more of your writig this term.
Best wishes,
Brad